


Lies in the Darkness

by md_edwards



Series: Dark Riches [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Harry, Hurt Harry Styles, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Pain, Panic Attacks, Protective Louis Tomlinson, Recovery, Sad Harry, Sad Harry Styles, Self-Harm, Self-Harming Harry, Self-Harming Harry Styles, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:22:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24861514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/md_edwards/pseuds/md_edwards
Summary: Harry Styles grew up with rich, divorced parents.  His brother Jean thrives in this life style, as does his mother and father.  Everyone seems to enjoy the lavish parties and luxuries, that is except for Harry.Harry was falling apart and day by day he was only getting worse.Will everything be okay, or will the stress prove too much for the youngest of the Styles children?
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Series: Dark Riches [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800250
Kudos: 25





	1. Prologue

Have you ever been to a party? No, not the kind of party with “pass the parcel” and cake, but the kind of party with press at the door and the smell of vintage cigars and money in the air. The kind of party with wait staff and Michelin grade caterers. The kind of party with designer dresses that will only be worn once and enough gossip to last a lifetime. The kind of party where everyone’s pretending to be the best versions of themselves and no one is willing to confront reality.  
Very few live high enough in society to actually experience one of these parties as a guest but many wish they were. I, however, belong to the lucky one percent, born in the light with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have more money than I could ever need and a large enough family that I should never be lonely. However, if that were true, how is it that I feel so empty inside?


	2. 17th April 2019 // 7:43PM

“Mr. Jean Styles!” The announcer introduced, as a man in his early twenties clad in a black tux entered the room. His hair was neatly styled with gel and he was clean shaven. His eyes were a twinkling emerald green and he had lightly tanned skin. His stride showed an arrogance that both demanded respect and showed that he was of high importance. He had a smile with enough charm to make the ladies blush and the gentlemen worry for the safety of their women. Unlike the other men in the room, Jean Styles would never bring a date to a party. It was all a part of his game, playing the part of the perfect eligible bachelor whilst remaining completely untouchable and off limits.

He navigated his way through the crowd of dapper upper-class men in suits and ladies in ballgowns, greeting the attendees of the parties with polite hellos and smiles as he went by. After reaching the other side of the crowd he came to a large dark oak door. Grasping the handle, he gave the door a gentle push to reveal the grand library behind it. The walls were covered in heavy oak book shelves, packed full of large books, both old and new. On the wall opposite the door there was a grand fireplace which contained a small dying flame that seemed to fizzle out completely at the entrance of Mr Styles. In the centre of the room there were two worn, dark leather sofas, carefully placed either side of an elegant glass coffee table.

After stepping into the adjoining room, he closed the door to block out the party and the tipsy madness behind it. He ventured father into the room and dropped down onto one of the worn sofas, directly across from a younger boy, also dressed in a tux. The boy bore a striking resemblance to Jean Styles; however, he had a youthful innocence about him that made him seem almost inexperienced and lost. He also had a strange darkness behind his eyes that suggested he’d maybe seen more than a boy his age should ever have to.

“So younger brother, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Jean Styles asked, a smirk playing his tanned features.

When the younger Styles failed to reply Jean knew he had to up the antics, he crossed his right leg over his left and leaned back on the sofa before saying, “Does Mother know you’re here?”

Upon hearing this the younger looked up, a look of malice in his eyes, “Must you always do that?” He spat.

“Do what?” Jean enquired knowingly, a smirk present on his features. The younger let out a sigh before responding.

“Yes. Mother knows I’m here.” He responded bitterly, “And even if she didn’t, I’m almost eighteen so it wouldn’t make any difference.”

“Harry, even if you were eighteen, which you’re not, you know Mother still worries.” Explained Jean,

Harry quickly cut in brushing past the subject, “Well she shouldn’t!” Harry snapped, “I’m fine…” he said quietly before he paused for a moment causing the older man to raise an eyebrow.

“Your fine?” Jean questioned, disbelievingly,

The younger broke eye contact with his brother, looking down at his lap nervously.

“Y… yes. I’m fine,” He stuttered,

“Hmm,” hummed the elder in response,

“Anyway,” the younger quickly started, “That’s not what I’m here to talk about.” He finished, looking at his brother.

“Then enlighten me,” Jean responded looking back at Harry,

There was a moment's pause while Harry considered the right way to word his next sentence.

“Has Father been in contact with you recently?” Harry asked,

“Why yes, he has. What’s it to you?” Jean questioned,

“Father would like us to meet his fiancee, Mallory.” Harry began, “but he wants us both to be there. As in, he wants us to attend… together.” He explained.

“Yes. I am aware,” Started Jean,

“And?” Harry inquired,

“...and politely declined the invite.” Jean said, standing and walking to a small dark oak table positioned in the corner of the room, upon which was a set of scotch glasses and a bottle of vintage scotch.

Harry stood up, mouth agape, betrayal festering in his green eyes.

“How could you?” He whispered, in a dangerously low voice.

Rather than responding Jean helped himself to a small glass of scotch and walked to the nearby window and looked out to the gardens.

“How could you do this to me, after everything?” He whispered, before turning to face Jean and yelling “Answer me!”

“You’re being erratic.” Jean stated plainly.

Harry stalked around the leather sofa and approached the older Styles. 

“Yes, maybe I am being erratic but it’s better than being a dictator.” He spoke with a low voice that sounded dangerously on the edge.

“Come now, younger brother. Can we not forget these trivial matters and just get on with the false niceties and pretend for one evening?” Jean asked, “Go and enjoy the party and you know what, since you’re almost eighteen, why don’t you have a glass of scotch before entering the crowd?”

“I don’t want your alcohol… or to attend one of your cheap parties” Harry refused, turning and making his way to the door before pausing and turning back to Jean. He held his hand over his mouth nervously before speaking again, “You know, I thought you were different but it’s all a class game to you isn’t it?”

“Harry, look I….” Jean started,

“No Jean. You want to be an upper-class man fine, but you can’t pretend that it never happened,” Harry muttered, his hands clearly shaking, whether out of anger and upset, Jean couldn’t tell.

“Harry, I’m not pretending anything,” Jean tried to justify,

“No, you just want to forget,” He spoke slowly, “Act like it never happened.”

Jean began to approach Harry, he was sure there were tears falling from the younger boy’s eyes but he couldn’t be certain. “That’s not what I’m doing, but you said it yourself. You’re fine. There’s no need to drag up the past.”

“Yes because to you the past isn’t important,” Harry responded incredulously,

“It is but we moved on, we all moved on…”

“I tried to kill myself!” Yelled Harry, “You can’t just move on from something like that!”

The room fell silent. Jean stood, not wanting to look at Harry but not being able to look away. Harry, red faced, stood just as still with a few tears trailing down his cheeks. The older knew little of the true darkness buried within the eyes of his brother but maybe he didn’t want to know. Maybe it was easier if he didn’t, maybe it made things more bearable? 

When Jean couldn’t respond Harry took that as a signal that the conversation was over. He turned quickly on his heel and walked away. Pushing open the large oak door and exiting through the crowd, not once stopping to talk to the many people who greeted him. He had to leave, get away from the insensitive madness that was his brother.


	3. 23rd June 2017 // 11:03AM

It was mid-morning and the orange sun was heating up the concrete pavement as busy shoppers went about errands and duties. Anne Twist was gathering the final touches to her eldest son, Jean's, birthday present. He was turning twenty-six in a few days and she'd arranged a party for him and pulled out all if the stops. There was a Michelin grade caterer booked, the guest list was finalised, all that was missing was the perfect present for her perfect son.

She was about to turn into a store when she saw someone, she thought she recognised coming the other way. She delicately removed her sunglasses and placed them atop her head of long brown hair in order to obtain a better look. As the figure came closer her suspicions were confirmed.

“Louis Tomlinson, as I live and breathe!” She smiled as she saw the only Tomlinson child approaching her. 

Louis Tomlinson was the very definition of the word gentlemen, with his Disney prince hair and dapper charm. He was wearing black jeans, a white shirt and a black fitted blazer. His brown hair was somewhat messily styled but somehow still made him look put together. He wore brown hipster glasses that allowed his ocean blue eyes to see clearly.

“Auntie, how long has it been?” He responded, leaning in to lightly kiss Anne on the cheek.

“Too long, we simply must catch up over brunch sometime?” Anne smiled,

“Definitely!” He smiled whilst wondering when he last spoke to his aunt Anne. He knew it had been a while.

“How’s Amilie been doing?” Anne asked curiously,

Louis briefly glanced at his watch.

“Yes, she’s good. She just got a tenure in the prep school up-town” He replied,

“Milton?” Anne asked, astonished at Amilie’s achievement.

“Yes, Milton,” He smiled before gently enquiring “May I ask, how’s Harry doing?”

“He’s just fine.” Anne stated bluntly, “He had one of his moments of Melo-drama a few weeks ago, however, he’s past it all now,” she finished.

It was clear by his expression that Louis didn’t agree with Anne’s description of her son’s mental health conditions. However, he chose not to say something as not to upset his aunt. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear it.” He responded with a tight smile, “Now, I must be off. Amilie is waiting for me and I mustn't be late.” 

“Ah well, be sure to contact me so we can arrange brunch,” Anne reminded, “and we must have dinner with the whole family sometime to celebrate Amilie getting tenure.”

“Of course!” Louis smiled, “I’ll see you soon.”

“Goodbye Louis,” Anne responded before walking past Louis down the street.

Louis never quite understood Anne’s insistence on downplaying Harry’s illness. He knew how important it was to save face when in the company of important businessmen and rivals, but lying to family was something else entirely. Then again, Louis knew all about lying to family members. According to his family he had a lovely girlfriend called Amilie, however, what they didn’t know that Amilie was in fact a lesbian and he himself was gay. He knew he couldn’t tell them that though. There was only one person in their family that knew the truth and that was Harry.

He knew he could never take Anne’s word for it when she said Harry was “past it all now” and so knowing he and Amilie were only having a quick lunch before she had to return to work, he decided the afternoon would be a good chance to visit Harry and see how he’s doing for himself.


	4. 10th May 2019 // 1:02PM

It was just past one in the afternoon and Harry was sitting in El Sandra’s waiting for his Father to arrive for lunch. After the discussion with his brother blew up, he knew he’d have to think of other ways to repair his relationship with his Father. Luckily after many phone calls and discussions he was able to convince Jean to meet him and their Father for lunch.

He had been sitting at the table in El Sandra’s for nearly half an hour and everyone had yet to arrive. He was beginning to think he’d been stood up. 

As he was about to call it a day, he saw a man in a dark blue suit enter the restaurant with a blonde woman in a pale blue dress. Harry stood up ready to greet his Father and his fiancee.

“Harry, it’s good to see you,” greeted Mr Styles,

“You too Father,” Replied Harry, plastering a smile on his face, “Hello Mallory. You are looking well.”

“As are you, Harry,” Responded Mallory, smiling back brightly.

The three then took their seats as the waiter asked for their drink orders. Mr Styles ordered a red wine, whereas Mallory ordered a simple water. Harry already had a glass of water due to him being there early.

“Is your brother not here yet?” Mr Styles asked grudgingly,

Harry began to feel an uncomfortable pressure on his chest as his Father’s gaze fell to him.

“I uh, no not yet. He said to apologise but he’s running late,” Lied Harry, trying desperately to save face,

“Well, Harry, it’s quite clear that he is running late otherwise he’d be here already, wouldn’t he?” Mr Styles spoke sternly,

“Now Michael, it’s not Harry’s fault that Jean is late,” Mallory tried to calm her husband to be.

“I guess you're right.” He responded simply.

Another ten minutes had passed and Jean was still yet to arrive. It was obvious that Michael was getting frustrated by his eldest son’s lack of timekeeping by the way he kept looking around the room for the figure of Jean approaching.

“So, Harry, have you got a girlfriend?” Mallory innocently asked,

“I, no… I’m … I’m gay.” 

Mallory almost spat out her drink.

“Oh! I’m so sorry dear, I didn’t realise,” she apologised sincerely.

“That’s quite alright. How would you have known?” Harry smiled back. “And I am, actually seeing someone.”

Harry felt himself smile from just thinking about Zayn.

“What’s he like?” Mallory questioned, excitement glittering in her eyes.

“Well, he’s tall…” Harry started, Mallory nodded along eagerly, “He’s got dark hair. He has these deep chocolatey brown eyes. And he’s kind, very kind and smart, and funny.”

Mallory could tell Harry really liked this man, whomever he was.

“He sounds really nice,” Mallory beamed,

“He is, he makes me feel like… like the weight of the world can’t touch me.” Harry responded dreamily.

The two shared bright smiles before Michael spoke up.

“So, your Mother sent me some bills in the post for a treatment centre.” He spoke bluntly with no remorse evident. “What have you been up to to get yourself sent back there?”

Harry looked taken back. It seems as if his moment of happiness was over quicker then it began, and it was just when he was starting to feel okay about this lunch. All the colour had drained from his face. He was just praying that his voice wouldn’t shake when he spoke.

“I went to see a therapist,” he plainly replied. His voice was dripping with anxious tension. 

“A therapist!” Michael cackled incredulously, causing Harry to shrink into his chair a little. “It’s been four years since the debacle with those pills. Why on Earth do you still need therapy for it?” 

Mallory could clearly see the discomfort on the younger boy's face but felt as if it was not her place to intervene.

“Father, depression is a lifelong battle. It’s not as simple as a few therapy sessions,” Harry tried to explain but Michael was having none of it.

“Son. You had a bad day and took some sleeping pills in order to relax and you accidentally took too many. We’ve all done it, but it’s not worth seeing an expensive therapist over,” Michael rationalized,

“It was more than that…” Harry tried to cut in. He could feel his hands beginning to shake.

“Even if it was, it was still almost four years ago,” Michael repeated,

“Actually Father,” Harry started nervously, “I relapsed and it uh… it happened again.”

It was clear from facial expressions that neither Michael nor Mallory quite knew what to say. But as usual Michael had to say something.

“When was this?” He bellowed angrily,

“J… Just after my sixteenth birthday…” Stuttered Harry, breaking eye contact with his Father and choosing to look down at the table instead.

“Why would you do that?” Michael asked, it sounded as if he genuinely cared before he added, “Do you have any idea what something like that could do to our family in the social hierarchy? You could have ruined us?”

Harry was unsure how to respond. He felt a bit light headed. He needed to leave. He abruptly stood up.

“I, I have to go.” He muttered quietly whilst briskly walking away.

On the way out he passed a very late Jean. However, Jean didn’t notice him hurry past. 

Once he made it outside and around the corner, he let himself fall against a red brick wall. He just leaned there, letting tears fall freely from his eyes. Why did his family have to be like this? He needed to talk to someone now, before he did something stupid. 

With shaky hands he fished his phone out of his pocket and quickly found Louis’ number and hit dial. The phone rang for a few minutes before Harry heard the one thing, he feared most….

_“Hello, this is Louis Tomlinson. Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now but be sure to leave a message and I will get in touch as soon as I can.”_

Harry was at a loss. He had no idea what to do so he hit redial just to hear the same message again, and again, and again. He had no idea how many times he’d hit redial but his anger got the better of him and he lobbed his phone at the brick wall opposite him as hard as he physically could, before he crumpled to the floor crying.


	5. 23rd June 2017 // 5:30PM

Harry was sitting on his bed, leaning against the headboard. He had a book in his hand but he wasn’t really concentrating on it, his mind kept wandering off to different places. The most common place for it to go is to the thought of his Mother and the events that led to him being stuck in this place. He was about to turn another page when there was a gentle knock at the door. 

“Come in,” he responded quietly and then looked to the door to see who was visiting him.

He was surprised when he saw a solemn looking Louis slowly open the door and enter the room.

“Lou?” Harry questioned, a little confused as to why his cousin was visiting him.

“Hi,” Louis greeted quietly.

There was a moment of silence between the two of them before Louis spoke again.

“I ran into your Mother earlier today. She told me you’d had another ‘moment of Melo-drama’,” he rolled his eyes as he quoted what Anne had previously said, “but she never told me you were here again?”

Harry didn’t even try to hide his annoyance over his Mother’s antics.

“Yeah, she doesn’t seem to be telling anyone anything these days.” He spoke slowly.

Louis cautiously approached the end of the bed and when Harry didn’t protest, he gently sat down so he could face the teen at his level.

“What happened Harry?” Louis asked, worry set deep in his brow.

Harry looked almost close to tears at the prospect of trying to explain everything that had happened. He slowly brought his hand to his mouth, nervously nibbling on the nail on his index finger. 

“Harry?” Louis repeated, leaning slightly closer.

Harry inhaled deeply then let out a shaky breath before removing his hands from his mouth and intertwining them in his lap. He let his head fall back against the wall and averted his eyes from Louis’ gaze to instead focus on a spot on the ceiling.

“Well,” he began, “it started over the winter break a few weeks ago, when Mother went to San Francisco with Jean to help with a business deal. I was left home, as usual and I don’t know… I just felt, really lonely.” 

Harry let out another shaky breath, closing his eyes as he continued talking. “I didn’t do anything then. But after spending Christmas and then New Years and then my birthday alone, I just… I felt so empty and I couldn’t do it anymore Louis, I mean… I still can’t.” 

He spoke so bluntly that Louis couldn’t help but feel his heart shatter for the boy. He couldn’t ever imagine being left alone for so long, it would drive anyone crazy. Not that Harry was crazy.

“Why didn’t you call?” Louis asked after Harry hadn’t said anything for a while.

Harry made brief eye contact with Louis. It only lasted a few seconds but in that short time Louis could see just how much pain and upset the younger boy was trying to hide.

“I couldn’t Lou. I just couldn’t. I don’t want to be a burden.” Harry attempted to explain.

Louis knew not to pressure Harry too much but he was concerned for him and just wanted to know what had driven the boy to be here again.

“So, you were feeling alone, but what actually caused you to be here?” He spoke gently as if not to pry.

Once again Harry looked away, his hands were now steadily shaking out of the sheer nervousness from explaining his situation. Louis was certain that there were tears forming in the younger boys’ eyes.

“It’s okay,” soothed Louis, “take your time.”

After another few seconds of nervous breathing Harry finally continued.

“I had gone to school, just like every other day. It was alright but as the day went on, I just got sicker and more fed up with all of the lies and rubbish people tell just to get by in our society. I felt so alone, so empty and I just… I couldn’t do it anymore. So, I went home…” He let out a shaky breath and a few stray tears made their way down his cheeks, “Obviously, Mother wasn’t there. I had the house to myself so I took one of the blades out of the razor in Jean’s room and I, well… I… I…”

He couldn’t get the words out and his tears were flowing freely now. As his words had failed him, he opted for a different tactic. Instead he slowly began to roll up the right sleeve of his blue jumper to reveal a large white bandage tightly secured around his forearm. There were small specks of dried blood beginning to show which suggested it would need to be changed soon.

Before Louis could say anything in response to what Harry had shown him, Harry gently tugged his sleeve back down and wiped away a few stray tears on his sleeve.

“Niall found me unconscious on the floor in the bathroom when he came around to check in on me as Jean had asked him to. I was rushed to the hospital. When I came around, I was told that if I’d been found more than a few minutes later I would have died… My biggest mistake in that moment was letting the disappointment of failure show on my face.”

“Oh, Harry…” Louis sighed, “I’m guessing as soon as Anne got there, she sent you here?” 

Harry nodded slowly, letting more tears tumble from his eyes down his cheeks. As they slid out, he brought his legs into his chest and hid his face in his knees. Rather than trying to comfort the boy with words, Louis felt as if the boy needed physical contact. He stood up and slowly moved to sit next to Harry so his back was now against the headboard. He then placed an arm around the crying teen, pulled him close and just held him while he cried, gently rubbing soothing circles on his back.

Although Louis would never say it out loud, he was rather fond of his younger cousin. He saw him as more of a younger brother and he would do anything in his power to make sure he was okay. He never understood how Anne could just leave her son home alone like that, especially with his history. Not that Harry would ever admit it but he struggles a lot more than he lets on. A few years ago, just after his fourteenth birthday he got really low and attempted to overdose, he failed, obviously, but he had never been the same afterwards. He’d constantly been on antidepressants ever since. 

Louis looked down at the boy in his arms. It was evident that he’d fallen asleep as his sobs had died down and his breathing had evened out. Harry looked so peaceful, his face was relaxed and although there were still tear trails down his face. It was now that Louis realised how pale and thin the boy was. He looked sick. He couldn’t help but wonder how no one noticed until it was too late.

When Harry woke the next morning, he found he was alone in the room. He noticed he was still dressed in his jeans, shirt and blue jumper from the day before. He rolled over to see a folded piece of paper on the pillow. He curiously plucked the paper off the pillow and unfolded it to reveal a note reading:

_You fell asleep yesterday, I guess talking about what happened must have taken a lot out of you. I stayed with you until the nurses told me I had to leave and even then, I didn’t want to go. You said you felt alone yesterday but I want you to know that you’re never alone and if you ever need me just ask the nurse to call me and I’ll be right there. I have some work to do this morning, but I promise I’ll pop by this evening to see you._

_-Louis_

Harry felt tears well up at the thought of making Louis worry about him like that. That was exactly what he was trying to avoid. He doesn’t want to take up other people’s time, he never wanted to be a burden.


	6. May 29th 2019 // 4:45PM

Harry had felt himself slipping again for days now. He just couldn’t quite hold on. He knew he needed to talk to someone. 

His mother and his brother were definitely out of the question. In fact any of his family were except for Louis. Then again, he couldn’t talk to Louis. He’d already taken up enough of Louis’ time with his troubles. He couldn’t take up anymore. It wouldn’t be fair.

He thought about it and in the end there was only one person he knew he could tell anything and that was his boyfriend Zayn.

He quickly dialled Zayn’s number not hesitating once as he smacked the call button. After two rings Zayn picked up.

“Hey Harry,” Said Zayn hesitantly.

“Zayn, hi. Is everything okay?” Asked Harry, sensing something was off.

“No, Harry. This isn’t a good time okay.” Replied Zayn,

“Oh, I’m sorry, I uh, I didn’t think,” Stuttered Harry,

“No Harry, you didn’t think,” mumbled Zayn bitterly in response,

“Sorry,” muttered Harry,

“Look, it’s fine but now that I’ve got you here I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while,” started Zayn, “We’ve been together for a while but recently I’ve realised something. I’ve met this boy, Liam. I met him at your birthday party after you blew me off and we uh, well we got to talking and it made me realise something. I like him, like I really like him. In fact I love him.”

Harry felt a lump forming in his throat, he couldn’t breathe. 

“Harry, I don’t think I ever really loved you.” Zayn continued bluntly, “And I think it’s time we call it.”

Harry still couldn’t respond.

“It’s been fun I guess. But I’ll uh… I’ll see you around.”

With that Zayn hung up. The phone fell from his hand.

Harry couldn’t move, he couldn’t think, he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t breathe. He slowly sank to the floor.

He didn’t even notice his phone begin to ring. He just sat in the middle of his room hyperventilating.

He didn’t know how long he’d been there when the door flew open and someone gathered him into their arms.

He could barely hear the person whispering sweet nothings to him but finally when the world came into focus he realised that it was Louis. Louis was holding him and whispering that everything would be okay.

Harry felt a sob rip through him and tears began freely falling from his eyes.

“Shhh… shh… it’s okay… I’ve got you… it’s okay…” soothed Louis.

Harry wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep but when he opened his eyes he was curled up in the middle of his bedroom floor all alone. He looked around and wondered if he’d dreamed Louis was there. 

His suspicions were confirmed when he saw there was no note anywhere to explain Louis being there.


	7. 1st May 2019 // 7:20PM

“Happy birthday dear Harry, happy birthday to you!” They all sang.

Harry bent forward and blew out the eighteen candles on top of his black and white iced, chocolate cake. If he was being honest, he didn’t like cake, if it were up to him, he wouldn't have even had one but as per usual his Mother arranged everything. He didn’t even want a party. It’s not like he had any friends to attend it anyway. The only people there at the party he liked were his cousin Louis and his boyfriend Zayn. They were the only people he felt he could really talk to, who actually got him.

Harry carefully navigated the crowd of family and his family's friends, smiling and politely thanking each and every one of them for attending. As he thanked each attendee, he began to feel a bit sick of the situation he was in. He told his Mother he didn’t want a party but she insisted. He told his Mother that if he had to have a party then he only wanted a small gathering but she didn’t listen. He was starting to find it difficult to cope with the sheer number of people wanting his attention. He knew he had to get out. 

He pushed through the crowd, stumbling slightly as if he were drunk, ignoring the people around him as they called on him to start a conversation. He was making his way to the stairs when he felt the panicked dizziness hit. He reached out to grip onto something for balance.

“Hey Harry!” Zayn called, pulling Harry into a hug, “Happy Birthday!”

The teen went to kiss him, however, Harry quickly pushed him away.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Zayn asked, concern etched into his features,

“N… I, I need to leave,” muttered Harry, stumbling away from Zayn.

“Harry!” Cried Zayn reaching out for the other boys hand, only to be once again pushed away by the panicking teen.

Zayn turned away in confusion when he saw this boy across the room. He looked almost attractive? Zayn made his way over to this boy deciding that Harry’s drama wasn’t worth it.

Harry continued to make his way from his concerned boyfriend. However, he didn’t get far before the dizziness hit once again, and stronger this time. Luckily his hands found the counter top in time as his knees buckled slightly. He stood there unable to move, trembling and on the verge of tears. It was now he really regretted pushing away Zayn. He looked around but couldn’t see him anywhere in sight. His dizziness increased just from looking around and so he had to look down to try and centre himself. How had someone not noticed? He needed someone to notice!

“Harry?” Someone grabbed his hand firmly. 

He looked up frantically to find he was face to face with Louis.

“L… L… Lou...” He stuttered, struggling to catch his breath.

Louis knew he had to take some initiative as the boy in front of him was void of all colour and looked as if he may pass out any second. So, before saying anything else he gently helped Harry away from the counter and began to lead him towards the stairs. Slowly they made their way up the stairs and down the corridor. The whole time Louis was repeating to Harry that he would be okay. 

Finally, they turned into Harry’s room. Louis gently walked Harry to the bed and helped him sit down before he closed the bedroom door and opened the windows to allow some air into the room. He then turned his attention back to the young boy having a panic attack. 

When he looked over, he saw that Harry had his hands on his knees and his head down. He slowly approached as not to startle the boy. He carefully crouched down in front of him and placed a comforting hand on his knee. Harry didn’t look at him, instead he stayed fixated on the floor.

“You’re okay now.” Soothed Louis, whilst looking up at Harry, trying to calm the boy. “You’re okay. Just take deep breaths… in and out… in and out… that’s it, you’re doing so well… so so well...”

Once Harry’s breathing had calmed down and some of the colour had returned to his face Louis decided it was time to speak up again. Harry moved his hands and ran them through his hair before using them to cover his face.

“Hey, no… You don’t need to hide from me.” Louis spoke gently, whilst gripping Harry’s wrists to move his hands away from his face. Upon touching them he was shocked as he felt the thin bumps from scars under his fingers. For now, he was able to hide his shock but it increased his concern for the younger boy.

“What happened?” Louis asked carefully, “What’s going on inside that head of yours?”

There were a few moments of silence before Harry began to let tears tumble down his cheeks.

“Please, talk to me Harry?” Louis pleaded.

Harry took one of his hands back from Louis and harshly wiped the tears away from his eyes.

“Everything just felt like too much.” Harry began to explain, “Too much pressure, too many people, too much stress.” 

Harry stopped talking to once again wipe away his tears.

“I’m not entirely sure what happened but I just remember feeling dizzy and my heart racing. I just needed to get out,” Harry felt himself getting worked up again just thinking about it. Luckily Louis seemed to notice.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re not in there anymore. You got out.” Louis soothed gently.

After another few minutes Harry seemed to have calmed down significantly. Instead he just looked embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” Harry blurted,

“What? You don’t need to be sorry. It’s okay.” Louis comforted, “you had a panic attack but it’s over now. You’re okay.”

“I know, I just. It’s my eighteenth birthday. Any normal person would love to have a party like this but not me… I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Cried Harry,

“Harry, you’ve got depression and anxiety. You’ve been through recovery twice.” Stated Louis, “You told your Mother you didn’t want a party like this and she did it anyway.”

Harry looked away from Louis in embarrassment but Louis wasn’t having it.

“No, look at me,” commanded Louis.

Harry compiled and looked back at the older man.

“You have been through enough to perfectly justify having a panic attack in a situation like that. Parties like that can be stressful, especially if you weren’t feeling one hundred percent in the first place. So never ever apologize for having one okay… Least of all to me. Understand?” Louis explained,

Harry felt tears come to his eyes again. Not because he was sad but rather because no one had ever laid it out like that to him before.

“Okay…” Harry sobbed.

The sound made Louis’ heartbreak. The boy before him was coming undone right in front of him and there was nothing, he could do about it other than try to hold him together for as long as he could.


	8. May 30th 2019 //  7:30AM

Louis arrived at the house early morning as he had agreed to take Harry to his therapist appointment since he hadn’t seen the younger boy since the birthday party fiasco. When he entered, he immediately noticed how cold the house was. Thinking it must just be the entryway he pressed on further into the house and through into the kitchen. However, the cold chill didn’t leave him and he noticed that the kitchen was untouched, meaning Harry had either ordered in or hadn’t come down yet.

“Harry!” He called out to see if the boy was downstairs, but he was greeted by silence.

Louis quickly made his way to the stairs and took them two at a time. As he approached Harry’s room, he had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. The feeling only worsened when he went to open the door to find it locked.

“Harry!” He called out, trying to remain calm, “Harry!?”

He then decided he’d have to break the door down if he wanted to get to the boy. He pulled back and slammed his body full force into the door. Ignoring the pain that shot through his shoulder from the first blow, he pulled back and repeated the action again… and again… and again… until eventually, the door gave way. Giving him access to the room.

When he entered, he was surprised to see the room empty… too empty. The bed was too neat to have been slept in and when he touched the sheets, they were stone cold. Also, the blind and curtains were closed with only a slither of light entering the room from around the sides of the blind. When looking around the room again he saw that the door to Harry’s bathroom was open slightly but the light was off.

He approached slowly, the pit in his stomach growing larger and larger by the second. He gently pushed the door open but couldn’t see in properly due to the lack of light. He blindly reached for the light switch until…

Click

...the room came alive with light and he could see the scene before him with more clarity than he would ever want to.


	9. Epilogue

Have you ever been to a party? No, not the kind of party with “pass the parcel” and cake, but the kind of party with secrets and riches. The kind of party with expensive alcohol and vintage cigars. The kind of party with family rivalries hidden under a mask of false niceties. The kind of party where everyone’s pretending to be the best versions of themselves and no one is willing to confront reality.

I’ve been to many of those parties and let me tell you, they’re not all they seem. Behind the glamorous surface of expensive dresses and gourmet food, there's a darkness that no one wants you to see. They want it to stay hidden forever. However, when you’re the one uncovering the darkness first hand it’s pretty damn hard to pretend it’s not there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know this was all posted very quickly but I actually wrote this as a short story around the end of March and originally it was written using completely different names and it was just a story. I never had any intentions of posting it, however, I re-read it recently and decided that I wanted it online. I chose to change the characters names in order to make it a fanfiction and post it online.
> 
> I do apologise for the kind of vague ending, however, I feel like you can figure out what Louis saw. I chose to end it this way as when I originally wrote it I had every intention of writing a sequel and I wasn't sure as to how I wanted to do the sequel and who's point of view it would be from or anything like that. I may still write a sequel but I'm honestly not sure. Hence why it ends the way it does, it will allow you to interpret it how you like. For example, if you want to believe that Harry was still alive and makes a full recovery then that's fine but you could also choose to believe that Louis was too late and that Harry died. It's really up to you.
> 
> I hope you liked this and as I said I may write a sequel, but I'm unsure. 
> 
> I hope to see you in future stories. As always please leave kudos and a comment as it really helps me know what you guys like and want to hear.
> 
> Also, I'm always open to prompts so feel free to leave some below :)


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